A bit of shameless self-promotion to begin the new year. Clearly my resolution to be more humble has gone out the window along with my promise to wake up at 5:30am and head for the gym (in my defense, I suffered an odd neck spasm that even 12 Advil a day hasn’t completely alleviated).

The proud moment, this lunch lady bit on one of my favorite blogs, Oh Joy!

Click here for the gory details on what this lady lunches on: http://ohjoy.blogs.com/my_weblog/

I’ve unfortunately never gotten around to writing down the recipe for roasted butternut squash and apples seen in the photo, but I think it goes roughly like this:

FALL HARVEST SANDWICH WITH ROASTED BUTTERNUT SQUASH, APPLES, AND STILTON

Equipment: large rimmed baking sheet, foil, serrated knife, vegetable peeler, metal spoon, cooling rack

1 medium butternut squash
2 to 3 firm-fleshed apples, such as Granny Smith or Gala
Olive oil
3 tablespoons packed light brown sugar
2 teaspoons finely grated zest and 1 tablespoon juice from 2 lemons
Salt
Aleppo pepper or red pepper flakes
1 ounces stilton
Crusty bread of your choice
Arugula (optional)

- Adjust oven rack to middle position and preheat oven to 425°F. Line large rimmed baking sheet with foil.

- With a serrated knife, trim off about 1 inch from top and bottom of squash. Stand the squash up, and peel with a vegetable peeler. Be sure you’ve removed enough to see the bright orange flesh of the squash.

- Cut the squash where it curves, then cut that rounded piece in half. With a metal spoon, scoop out the seeds and discard.

- Slice squash into ¼-inch slices and arrange in single layer on prepared baking sheet.

- Peel, core (a metal 1-teaspoon measure works wonderfully), and cut apples into 8 wedges; add to baking sheet.

- Drizzle squash and apples generously with olive oil, then sprinkle with brown sugar and lemon zest. Season generously with salt and Aleppo pepper to taste. Toss everything together, rubbing with fingers to ensure even seasoning and coating. Arrange in single layer.

- Roast until vegetables are tender and slightly charred, 35 to 45 minutes.

- Transfer baking sheet to cooling rack and cool to room temperature. Adjust seasoning and add lemon juice.

- To assemble sandwich, slice crusty bread, drizzle crumb with olive oil, and toast if desired. Pile bread with squash and apples, crumble Stilton over everything, and tuck in arugula. Enjoy!

This weekend, the hot summer sun will melt into the horizon and leave the sky dark and stark, a clean canvas to be Jackson Pollock-ed by blazing fireworks. Sit back, relax, crack open a frosty bottle of beer, and dig into one of these outrageous hot dogs.

Photo by Kate Kelley

ALOHA DOGS
Makes 8 hot dogs

¼ cup vegetable oil
8 hot dogs
1 (7-ounce) tin SPAM, cut into ¼-inch thick slices
8 fresh pineapple spears
2 cups teriyaki sauce
8 hot dog buns
Sriracha sauce (optional)
1 rice cake, crumbled

- Heat grill.

- Lightly oil grill and arrange hot dogs in single layer. Brush SPAM slices and pineapple spears with teriyaki sauce and arrange on grill in single layer. Cook until hot dogs are cooked through and SPAM and pineapple are lightly charred, turning with tongs as necessary.

- To serve, tuck hot dogs and pineapple spears into buns. Cut SPAM into cubes and add to hot dogs. Top with generous amount of teriyaki sauce and Sriracha sauce to taste. Sprinkle with crumbled rice cake.

Photo by Kate Kelley

DOWNTOWN L.A. DOGS
Makes 8 hot dogs

Notes: Use your favorite brand of hot dogs and bacon for this recipe. Secret ingredient: cornstarch! It acts like glue and keeps the bacon form peeling off the hot dogs while they grill.
Optional garnishes: sliced radishes, lime wedges, hot sauce (I prefer Valentina), and crema or queso fresco

8 hot dogs
½ cup cornstarch
8 bacon strips
4 ripe avocados, pitted, peeled, and cut into ½-inch dice
Juice of 2 limes
1 tablespoon cider vinegar
2 cups tightly packed cilantro leaves, chopped
½ cup mint leaves, finely chopped
¼ cup minced white onion
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 ripe beefsteak tomato, seeded and cut into ½-inch dice
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
6 jalapeño peppers
¼ cup vegetable oil
½ cup mayonnaise
8 hot dog buns

- Heat grill.

- Place cornstarch in shallow bowl. Roll each hot dog in cornstarch, shaking off excess. Wrap each hot dog with one strip of bacon; set aside.

- To make the guacamole: Lightly mash the avocado in medium bowl with a fork—some chunks should remain. Add lime juice, vinegar, cilantro, mint, onion, garlic, and tomato and lightly stir to combine. Season to taste with salt and pepper; set aside.

- Brush jalapeños with oil and grill until charred. Lightly oil grill and arrange hot dogs in single layer. Cook until bacon is cooked through and lightly charred, turning with tongs as necessary.

- Chop 2 of the charred jalapeños and stir into guacamole. To serve, spread inside of hot dog buns with mayonnaise, tuck in hot dogs, and top with guacamole. Serve with optional garnishes (See Notes) and remaining charred jalapeños.

CHIC DOGS
Makes 8 sandwiches

Notes: Ficelles are slender baguettes. Purchase your favorite type of sausage for this recipe—I used a garlic-herb variety. I prefer buttery, nutty Stilton as a topping.

8 fresh sausages
¼ vegetable oil
4 cups tightly packed mesclun salad blend
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
4 ficelles, cut into half crosswise, then split lengthwise
1 cup grainy mustard
2 cups cornichons
1½ cups (6 ounces) blue cheese crumbles

- Heat grill.

- Prick sausages all over with fork. Lightly oil grill with vegetable oil and arrange sausages in single layer. Cook until sausages are cooked through. Transfer to cutting board and slice sausages on the bias.

- Season salad greens with salt and pepper and toss with olive oil.

- To serve, spread inside of ficelles with a generous amount of mustard and stuff with salad, sausage slices, and cornichons. Sprinkle with blue cheese crumbles.

ALL-AMERICAN DOGS
Makes 8 hot dogs

Notes: Use your favorite brand of hot dogs and BBQ sauce for this recipe. And od course, you can use homemade macaroni-and-cheese instead of store-bought.
Optional garnishes and sides: pickles, mustard, potato chips or fries

1 (7.25-ounce) box macaroni and cheese
8 hot dogs
¼ cup vegetable oil
2 cups BBQ sauce
8 hot dog buns

- Heat grill.

- Prepare macaroni-and-cheese according to package instructions. Transfer to bowl and cover with foil to keep warm.

- Lightly oil grill and arrange hot dogs in single layer. Cook until hot dogs are cooked through and lightly charred, turning with tongs as necessary.

- To serve, tuck hot dogs into buns and top with generous amounts of BBQ sauce and macaroni-and-cheese.

ABOUT THE PHOTOS: I spent a recent rainy day with my talented friend, photographer Kate Kelley, working on these shots—our plans to shoot on a sunny roof deck were foiled, but we turned my tiny living room into a studio.
These photos are two of a series—do take a look at the rest in my personal styling portfolio, and please check out Kate’s (in collaboration with Jonathan Beller) breathtaking work in “Resilient, A Portrait of Sierra Leone.”

I heart Nigella Lawson. The gusto and relish with which she eats are contagious—like laughter. The recipe that follows is an adaptation of “Lemon Meringue Cake” from Nigella’s Feast. I was looking through the book a few weekends ago while visiting family in D.C. and swooned when I saw the photo: a gold-tinged cloud of cake oozing bright yellow silk. The cake is baked and assembled in this manner: two cake pans get a layer of cake batter and a layer of French meringue spread on top. Once baked and cooled, lemon curd and whipped cream are sandwiched between the cake layers for a cake, custard, cream, and meringue miracle. Perfect for me, as I continue having my crush on all things whippy and white,but, also, what dreamier than a big, fluffy, sticky cake sandwich?

As you know, I recently posted a pastel de limón recipe and, wanting to avoid repetition and bore you, I settled on a filling of goat’s milk dulce de leche, toasted and chopped pecans, and a sprinkle of Maldon salt. Having no guests handy, the leftover cake would have to be refrigerated for a few days, so the whipped cream needed to be stabilized to avoid it becoming a sad, weeping mess. A bit of gelatin and cream cheese will keep this dessert fresh and pretty for about 3 days (probably longer, but you’ll surely have eaten the whole thing by then).

An announcement to Future Dinner Party Guests: this was so intensely, close-your-eyes-at-first-bite delicious that you will be seeing it more than once. However, I do intend to vary the fillings…Nutella and strawberries, dark chocolate ice cream and cherries, banana pudding and toffee, poached figs and custard, etc.

NIGELLA LAWSON’S PERFECTION CAKE
Originally published as Lemon Meringue Cake

Very Important Notes: You can replace the goat’s milk dulce de leche with regular dulce de leche or fillings of your choice—see some of my suggestions above.
- Gelatin needs to be dissolved in warm water, but if you add warm water to your chilled whipped cream, you’ll defeat the purpose of the chilled cream, no? Be sure to cool the gelatin to room temperature, and don’t be tempted to pop it in the refrigerator or freezer because it’ll turn boing-y and won’t mix into your cream, capisce?

1 tablespoon unsalted butter, softened, for greasing the cake pans
4 large eggs, separated
1½ cups plus 1 teaspoon sugar
8 tablespoons unsalted butter, cut into 8 pieces and softened
¾ cup unbleached all-purpose flour
2 tablespoons cornstarch
1 teaspoon baking powder
½ teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon table salt
Grated zest of 1 lemon plus 4 teaspoons lemon juice
2 teaspoons milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon unflavored gelatin
2 tablespoons water
4 tablespoons cream cheese, softened
½ cup confectioners’ sugar
1 cup heavy cream, chilled
½ goat’s milk dulce de leche
½ cup toasted and chopped pecans
½ teaspoon Maldon salt

- Position an oven rack in the middle of the oven. Preheat the oven to 400˚F. Line and grease the bottoms of 2 8-inch round cake pans with parchment paper and 1 tablespoon butter.

- Place the egg yolks, ½ cup of the sugar, butter, flour, cornstarch, baking powder, baking soda, 1/4 teaspoon salt, and lemon zest in food processor and pulse until combined. Add the lemon juice and milk and process once again until combined.

- Divide the batter equally between the prepared pans. It is a skimpy amount of batter, but that’s how it’s supposed to be. Simply spread as evenly as possible with a rubber spatula.

- Place the egg whites and the remaining ¼ teaspoon salt in a clean, dry mixing bowl. Beat the whites on medium speed with an electric mixer until they loosen, about 1 minute. Increase the speed to medium-high and whisk until soft peaks form, 2 to 3 minutes. Slowly add the remaining 1 cup sugar and continue to whisk until stiff, glossy peaks form, 2 to 3 minutes more. Add ½ teaspoon of the vanilla and whisk just until incorporated, about 15 seconds more. Dived the stiff, glossy whites between the 2 pans, spreading straight on top of the batter layer. Leave 1 smooth, then, peak the second one.

- Bake 10 to 20 minutes until the meringue tops are golden and a cake tester comes out clean when inserted. Transfer the cake pans to a cooling rack and cool completely, about 1 hour. While the cake is cooling, chill a (metal) mixing bowl and whisk so they’re ready for making the whipped cream. Carefully unmold the flat-topped cake onto a cake stand or plate, meringue-side down.

- Combine the gelatin and water in a small bowl. Microwave until the gelatin dissolves, about 20 seconds. Cool to room temperature, about 5 minutes. Place the cream cheese, ¼ cup of the confectioners’ sugar, remaining ½ teaspoon vanilla, and dissolved gelatin in the chilled bowl and whisk on medium speed until whippy, about 2 minutes. Add the cream and whisk just until thickened, about 2 minutes.

- Drizzle the dulce de leche evenly over the inverted cake and top with pecans and salt. Spread the whipped cream on top, to the edges. Carefully invert the second cake onto the palm of your hand, then, gently turn over so the meringue is facing up, and place it on top of the whipped cream. Sift the remaining ¼ cup confectioners’ sugar over the cake and serve. Refrigerate leftovers for up to 3 days.

I eat sandwiches all the time. Morning or evening, doesn’t matter. I had one last night (ham and Swiss), one this morning (grilled ham & Swiss on a so-so croissant), and another one for lunch. “Stop carb-loading!” I reprimand myself, but I love bread and it’s so very, very hard to not eat it.  At the husband’s request, I’ve been avoiding buying it, but, the second he left town on a business trip I ran out and bought a demi-baghette and American cheese (that was on Tuesday…I had a grilled cheese right before bed that night). The demi didn’t last long and I wound up buying a standard one on Wednesday. I have to go grocery shopping later and will do my very best to refrain from buying a loaf of Wonder bread, but alone and unsupervised, there’s not much I can do.

I wasn’t all that hungry today (horrible heartburn), but I can’t let noon, i.e. lunch time, tic-toc by unacknowledged. A search of my tightly packed and poorly organized fridge revealed a hunk of blue cheese, a leftover cooked steak, and a box of baby spinach. “MacGyver those leftovers!” And voilà, lunch was served. It was a little more tedious than my usual grilled cheese, but worth the involvement. Special treat.

BEEF & BLUE SANDWICH
For when you’re eating solo

1 to 2 ounces blue cheese, such as Roquefort
2 tablespoons mayonnaise
2 teaspoons red wine vinegar
Salt and pepper
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 shallots, thinly sliced
1 teaspoon brown sugar
1 leftover steak, thinly sliced, or 4 ounces deli roast beef
1 6-inch piece baguette, halved lengthwise
¼ cup salad greens

- In a small bowl, with a fork, combine the blue cheese, mayonnaise, vinegar, and pepper to taste until smooth.

- Heat 1 tablespoon of the oil in a small skillet over medium-high heat. Add the shallots, sugar, and salt and pepper to taste. Cook, stirring frequently, until the shallots are crisp and golden, 6 to 8 minutes. Transfer the shallots to a small plate.

- Brush the baguette on all sides with the remaining tablespoon of olive oil and toast in the now empty skillet until crisp and golden, about 3 minutes per side. Transfer the bread to a plate.

- Spread the crumb sides of  the bread with the blue cheese mayo and top with steak, shallots, and greens.

Sometimes I eat like a teenage boy…and he really wanted a meatball sub, so I caved in and finally made one.

MEATBALL SUBS
Makes 6 subs

For the Sauce:
3 tablespoons olive oil
2 onions, chopped (about 2 cups)
Salt and pepper
6 garlic cloves, minced
2 teaspoons dried oregano
½ teaspoon red pepper flakes
2 tablespoons tomato paste
2 teaspoons sugar
½ cup red wine
1 bay leaf
2 (28-ounce) cans diced tomatoes
1 (28-ounce) can crushed tomatoes

- Heat the olive oil in a medium saucepan over medium-high heat until shimmering. Add the chopped onion and 1 teaspoon salt and cook until translucent, stirring occasionally, about 8 minutes. Stir in the garlic, oregano, and red pepper pepper flakes and cook 1 minute longer. Transfer 1 cup of onion mixture to bowl and reserve.

- Add tomato paste and sugar to onion mixture in skillet and cook, stirring, until the paste begins to darken, about 2 minutes. Add the wine and cook until it’s nearly evaporated, about 4 minutes. Add the diced and crushed tomatoes and bay leaf and bring to a simmer. Reduce the heat to low and cook until thickened, a bout 1 hour. Adjust seasonings with salt and pepper.

For the Meatballs:
Makes about 24 1-inch meatballs

2 slices white sandwich bread, crusts removed
1/3 cup milk
1 pound 85% lean ground beef or meatloaf mix
Salt and pepper
¼ cup grated Parmesan or Pecorino-Romano cheese
1 tablespoon olive oil

- In a small bowl, mash together the bread and milk until thoroughly combined to make a panade. Place beef in a large mixing bowl and add the panade, 1 teaspoon salt, ½ teaspoon pepper, the grated cheese, and the reserved (see sauce recipe above) onion mixture. With potato masher or hands, thoroughly combine all ingredients.

- Using a 1-tablespoon measure, scoop meat out onto a baking sheet. Roll out each tablespoonful of meat into meatballs and place back on sheet. Heat olive oil in in a large skillet over medium heat until it begins to smoke. Cook half of the meatballs until browned all over, about 5 minutes. Transfer to plate and cook remaining meatballs.

- Return first batch of meatballs to skillet and add 3 cups of the tomato sauce to the skillet. Reduce the heat to low, cover, and simmer the meatballs until cooked through, about 10 minutes.

For the Sandwiches:

6 (about 6-inch long) sub rolls
Olive oil for brushing
1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese
Optional garnishes: banana peppers or fresh chopped basil

- While meatballs simmer, preheat oven to 400˚F. Split rolls in half lengthwise and brush all sides with olive oil. Warm bread for 5 to 7 minutes on a baking sheet, then, place tray on cooling rack. Fill each roll with 4 to 6 meatballs, top with additional sauce, and 2 to 3 tablespoons cheese and return to oven. Bake until cheese is melted, about 4 minutes. Serve with optional garnishes and additional sauce.

I eat a lot of cereal. And usually I eat it at night, rather than in the morning (last week I had a bowl of Frosted Flakes every single evening). My cabinet is stocked with all sorts: Kashi Honey Puffs. Kashi Almond Crunch. Cracklin’ Oat Bran. Frosted Flakes. Honey Bunches of Oats. All Bran. Cocoa Pebbles. Cocoa Puffs. (Yes, I have TWO different chocolate cereals on hand. I can never decide whether I like the soggy pebbles or the crunchy puffs… Maybe I should mix them). While your enthusiasm for cereal may be a little less fanatical than mine, I’m sure you often arrive home after work, exhausted and ravenous, and the first thing you reach for is a bowl and a spoon.

Seriously, though, no one should have to eat cereal for dinner every night. Or takeout. You can cook. Honest. And you don’t need a culinary degree or a long list of ingredients to put together a decent meal. I’ve been delinquent with my blog; weeks will go by without any new posts, mainly because I want something that says “WOW!” to show you, but I think I’d be of better service if I posted some simple, weeknight recipes. So I’ll start today with this super-easy, super-tasty (vegetarian) sandwich for two.

ONION-JALAPENO GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH with FRIED EGG

4 to 5 tablespoons butter, at room temperature
1 large onion, halved lengthwise and sliced into thin half-moons
2 pickled jalapeño peppers, sliced
Salt and pepper
¼ cup heavy cream
½ cup shredded cheese, or 4 slices cheese of your choice
2 8-inch pieces baguette or 4 slices crusty bread
2 large eggs

-In a large skillet, melt 2 tablespoons butter and add onion and jalapeños. Sautée over medium-high heat, stirring, until onion softens and begins to caramelize, about 10 minutes. Stir in cream and cook until thickened, about 2 minutes. Season with salt and pepper.Transfer onion mix to bowl.
Wipe out skillet.

-Butter exterior of baguette pieces or one side of each slice of bread. Spread onion mixture on un-buttered side of one piece of bread, top with cheese and other bread slice. Grill sandwiches, pressing down with spatula, on cleaned skillet, until browned and toasted, then flip and repeat with other side. Transfer to plates.

-Melt a small pat of butter in skillet and crack eggs into it. When whites begin to bubble, add 3 tablespoons water, cover, and cook over medium heat about 3 minutes (for over easy eggs). Season with salt and pepper and serve alongside sandwich.

If the title of this blog hasn’t made it abundantly clear, I adore shoes. I actually detest shopping for clothes and hate stores and malls; I get all panic attack-y and claustrophobic, and am convinced there is not sufficient oxygen. But, get me past the perfume spritzers and racks of clothing into the shoe department and it is as if I’ve entered a realm of cherubs and melodious harps.

Grocery shopping releases about the same amount of endorphins and my trips to market are rarely perfunctory outings. I like to slowly zigzag my through, stopping to stare glassy-eyed at the products. Oftentimes I do this purely as research – if I’m reading a recipe I can immediately recall where a particular ingredient is available for purchase, down to it’s location on a shelf.

I like to plan menus and make lists ahead of time so I can purchase all elemental foodstuffs at one go – and also to reduce the risk of becoming distracted and returning home with items I did not in effect, need. Sometimes, though, I venture out there and wander, glassy-eyed and almost dazed, puzzling over what the heck to make for dinner.

It was in this uncertain state of mind that I hooked a basket on my arm at Whole Foods on Saturday. I was there for unsweetened vanilla soy milk, but also to forage for Sunday brunch. There were fiddlehead ferns, bright green and tightly curled like storybook worms (tempura?), tiny artichokes (fried? Steamed and sauced?), leeks (vichyssoise?), but nothing was calling out to me as much as…lettuce. Yes, lettuce, which I consider much less poetic than many of its produce section siblings, was what was beckoning because I remembered that the “L” in BLT stands for LETTUCE. My mind cleared, the torpor vanished, and thoughts raced. I was going to make no ordinary BLT with flimsy bread, bland tomatoes, and waifish bacon strips. I was going to make a sandwich that would require a side of five napkins.

I gathered ripe plum tomatoes, a soft-to-the-touch avocado, a handful of salad greens, and a few slabs of thick-cut bacon from the butcher’s case and ran home to triumphantly announce that tomorrow was going to be no ordinary day.

Sunday morning I set to: I roasted my tomatoes for an hour, doused in olive oil and balsamic vinegar, well-seasoned with kosher salt, fresh-ground pepper, and tossed with a few cloves of smashed garlic. They emerged soft and wrinkled, fragrant and sweet.
The bacon, to avoid a mess in my Lilliputian kitchen, was also baked in the oven, the rendered fat brushed on pain de mie slices.

While the baking was going on, I whipped together some mayonnaise and was ready to assemble: a generous schmear of mayo, avocado slices, bacon, roasted tomatoes, and lettuce. And there it was, a BLT to the –nth power – the baconator.

THE BACONATOR
For 2

MAYONNAISE
1 egg yolk
2 tsps. Dijon mustard
salt + pepper to taste
lemon juice to taste
150 mL (about 2/3 C.) vegetable oil

-Whisk together egg yolk, mustard, and a pinch each salt and pepper.
-In a very slow, steady stream, pour in oil while whisking quickly and vigorously, until all oil in incorporated.
-Season with salt, pepper, and lemon juice to taste.

BACON
5 – 6 slices thick-cut bacon (about ½ lb.)

-Preheat oven to 375˚F.
-Cover a rimmed baking sheet (rims will keep the rendered fat from leaking out) with parchment paper (no wax paper, unless you want to cause a fire) and lay out bacon slices in a single layer.
-Cover with a second sheet of parchment and weigh down with another cookie sheet, Pyrex, or other oven-proof cookware.
-Cook 30 – 45 minutes until bacon fat is rendered and bacon is cooked.
-Set bacon slices on a paper towel-lined dish and pour fat into a bowl. Reserve the baking sheet and first sheet of parchment.

TOMATOES
6 ripe plum tomatoes
¼ C. olive oil
3 TBSP. balsamic vinegar
salt + pepper
4 garlic cloves, peeled and smashed into large chunks

-Preheat oven to 375˚F.
-Core tomatoes and cut in half lengthwise.
-In a medium bowl, toss tomatoes with salt, pepper, olive oil, vinegar, and garlic.
-Spread tomatoes, cut-side up, on a parchment paper-lined rimmed baking sheet or Pyrex and stud with garlic.
-Roast 60 – 75 minutes, till tomatoes are soft to the touch.

ASSEMBLY
4 slices good bread, white or whole wheat
1 ripe avocado
large handful of salad greens
salt and pepper

-Arrange bread slices on reserved bacon baking sheet and brush each with reserved fat. If not sufficient, spread slices with softened butter.
-Toast in a 350˚F until golden.
-Thinly slice avocado and squirt with lemon juice to prevent browning. Season with salt and pepper.
-Wash and spin-dry greens and sprinkle with salt.
-Spread a generous amount of mayo on two of toast slice and top each with avocado slices, bacon, roasted tomatoes, and lettuce. Cover with remaining toast, press down gently, and cut in half before serving.

Count-worthy sandwich.

My first restaurant meal as a resident of Massachusetts took place at a popular spot in Cambridge. It was, regrettably, only so-so. Had it not been for the fantastic people we brunched with, the experience would have rated slightly lower.

The menu had the usual eggs Benedict, steak and eggs, French toast, etc. I went for the Monte Cristo and this is where the cucumber begins to turn into a pickle. When the waiter took my order, I said, “Just to be clear, this sandwich is egg-battered and fried like French toast, yeah?” And he said, “No, it’s grilled ham and cheese, topped with a fried egg.” To which I replied, “Well then, that’s more of a croque madame than a Monte Cristo, isn’t it?” Waiter: “No, it’s a Monte Cristo.” I’d already decided on having the sandwich, despite its inaccurate handle, but the Hermione Granger in me really wanted to let this man know that Monte Cristos and croque madames are like the proverbial apples and oranges: “Sorry, but those are two totally different sandwiches.” Mercifully, the waiter didn’t kick me out of the restaurant, and just shrugged his shoulders and continued taking orders.

Right then and there I decided I needed to set the record straight in my own kitchen and create a semantically and anatomically correct Monte Cristo. I did some online research and was surprised at the scanty results that turned up, and even more surprised that no one could agree on the true origins of the that sandwich. I had secretly hoped that Alexander Dumas had snacked on them while writing his novels and liked them so much that he’d named one of his most beloved characters after them…

The fact is there are a variety of versions out there, the majority calling for turkey and Swiss, others ham or chicken and Swiss, and one recipe, from Bennigan’s Grill and Tavern incorporated both turkey and ham, as well as Swiss and American cheeses. The one common thread among these was that the sandwiches were egg-battered and fried, dusted with confectioner’s sugar, and served alongside fruit or fruit compote. I consulted Joy of Cooking as well but found that they go batter-free, which with all due respect, is unacceptable. Given the range of interpretations, I decided I had free rein to assemble a Monte Cristo of my own design, and I was deeply satisfied with it.

THE BIG MC
Serves 2

4 slices firm bread (Pullman, pain de mie, or challah – please, no Wonder et al, unless you want a soggy mess for brunch)
4 oz. ham
4 slices Swiss cheese
butter
vegetable oil
2 large eggs
1/3 C. milk
pinch salt

Confectioner’s sugar for dusting
Maple syrup

1. Butter one side of each bread slice.

2. In a medium mixing bowl, whisk eggs + milk + pinch salt.

3. Heat a large sauté pan on medium-high and add vegetable oil (you’ll have to eyeball this – there should be enough to lightly fry the bread).

4. Dip the buttered side of two bread slices in the egg mixture and allow to soak, about 15 seconds. Place the battered side in the oil and immediately top one slice with cheese and ham. Make sure the heat is not too high: the bread should brown slowly to allow the cheese to melt; there is nothing worse than a hot sandwich with a cold filling. Cover the ham and cheese with the second slice, and flip to continue browning.

5. Cut sandwich in half, sift powdered sugar over it, and serve with warm maple syrup.

Cheese first, ham second!